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Halo and No Angel

So an Ohio teen attempted to kill both of his parents, successfully killing his mother, because they took his “Halo 3″ X-box video game away. The Prosecutors are saying he hatched the plan for weeks in retaliation. The Defense does not deny that the crazed tike killed his parents but are looking for leniency with an insanity plea.

The father who has since forgiven his son, tells the story that his son came into his parents’ bedroom, told them to close their eyes because he had a “surprise for them” and then shot them both point blank in their heads.

Of course, this will probably bring up the hailstorm that is our society’s propensity to blame such violence on everything but the overwhelming malevolence and psychopathic behavior of some of our teens. Many say the advent of gratuitously violent video games and television and movie fare is the sole blame. I don’t know what I think about this argument. It’s the chicken before/after the egg scenario.

Maybe these mediums do create delusions of grandeur allowing people to think they too could rid their problems with two shots from a gun. The truth is to go through with killing your parents isn’t a question of any of this or even if you love your parents or not but a question of if you can emote at all. The latter is what hinders a psychopath; they have no feelings to really pull from. And, ultimately, this can afflict any age. Some will act on these proclivities from an early age or let them fester until your twisted machinations ripe years later.

A solution? I am not sure I have one. I think an open dialogue is very important. See your kids instead of seeing through them. Psychopathy seems ingrained but maybe one can definitely see early warning signs if they just are more aware. You can only do that if you spend time with your children! The worse thing we can do in this day and age is to sit back and let our children go unanswered or unnoticed.

Us Ones In Between

OK, so I am not always timely or on the pulse. Well, I am but I just now have been able to find a medium to express this great characteristic I embody!

Whatever, I may be a few months late but I have another recommendation that some of you may or may not have heard about. Check out writer Blair Mastbaum’s latest book Us Ones In Between. It is as beautiful as it is harrowing.

Jagged and hurried as the New York City landscape and train system that consume protagonist Kurt’s mind — Mastbaum’s prose and story-telling are undeniably captivating, consuming, heart-wrenching and leaves you on the edge of your seat (no, like, literally).

Kurt is a disillusioned and stumped artist surrounded in a town he is torn between loving and hating — with its upstarts, posers, glitterati and all others he thinks ignore him. After breaking up with his boyfriend, things take a sharp turn for the worse. Obsessive, paranoid, agoraphobic and aimless, Kurt is tampering dangerously with what is real and what isn’t. As things spiral even more out of control, Kurt just may be responsible for the string of subway pushings making the news.

With Mastbaum’s second book under his belt, he is surely becoming the voice of — and the master of detailing the lives of — the outer fringe and the disillusioned youth. His description of New York City and the counterculture Kurt and many like him belong to there is uncanny and spot-on!

Check out Clay’s Way, Mastbaum’s first book! It’s also a great read!

True Blood

If you haven’t seen HBO’s True Blood, maybe Anna Paquin’s Golden Globe win last night will solidify things enough for you to check it out. I have been talking about it with friends and family for way too long now!

This quirky show about the civilization and co-habitation with humans of vampires is not only witty and unabashedly sarcastic but so happens to make very current social, racial, and sexual commentary — although metaphorical in delivery.

Yeah, there is blood — tons of it – and gore but if you look not too far behind that, you see the writers are trying to paint a more cerebral picture for you to ponder. Plus, not to mention the backdrop just happens to be New Orleans!

Anna’s character is a hoot but also check out character Rene Lenier played perfectly by Michael Raymond-James! His Yat dialect is sooooo cute!

Again, this show is a must-watch!

OLDER POST: Drew Barry-NO-MORE!!!

Tell me that wasn’t Drew Barrymore with a tongue ring on last night’s Golden Globe Awards. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am so one for body adornment (I have a couple of them myself) but a tongue piercing that you got recently??? How circa 1996! I mean who does that? What next? A renegade eyebrow piercing?

Not just archaic body modification ideas haunt Drew, but did you check out her attire and behavior? She looked and acted like a bunk Marilyn Monroe with her hair tussled and the dress askew. I hear it is for a movie; let’s hope she is just doing some serious method acting then.

Drew, please tell me you aren’t back on the pipe! Let’s keep the America’s Sweetheart thing going; it suits you better. My friends who have met you say you are an absolute doll to be around — don’t let that fade.

File under don’t do this to yourself before it’s too late!

Shhh

So you guys know how I am the envy of a hoard of teenage girls and some really confused teenage and middle-age boys/men, right? Well, that’s why I am blogging about it so you will know. SHIT!

So, anyways, I happen to work right next to where they shoot some integral scenes for Gossip Girl. I was never into it but YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE said I would find it rather entertaining so I bought the first season DVD and did find it rather amusing. XoXo. So it’s season 2 and I feel really gay gay gay for still tuning in every week to see what over-indulgent melodramatic tragedies our poor little rich kids could possibly be facing. With their Louis Vuitton clutches in hand, the world could be so brutal!

But back to the fact that it took me a good month to even recognize they were shooting right next door (and the scenes were outside mind you). This shows how much I mind my own business (or more like how often I am stuck in my office like a caged bird. Right, Maya Angelou? You tell ‘em, girl!) I’d been watching the show and didn’t even recognize the landmarks from the neighborhood.

But my cluelessness aside, let’s go to the cast. So I have to start by saying that I am a Starfucker (not that I have ever; well, there was that one time but I think an MTV reality “star” hardly counts). But, yeah, it’s like as long as you are on TV I find you hot. This is why when I saw Sam Champion (did he finally come out publicly yet? I ain’t blind item-ing this ass) in cutoff shorts with fringe, a tank, and roller blades in the Chelsea-Flatiron border I was sooooo confused. I know the “cool” part of me should have been appalled, disgusted, and maybe even belligerent with him (I mean fringe??? Rollerblades??? Chelsea???) but the Starfucker part of me said he’s a weatherman!!! From ABC!!! (I think I need some sort of intervention!!! Seriously!!!)

But, yeah, I keep digressing. The cast… The cast… Gossip Girl… Well, that one that plays Blair? She is actually really really hot in person; very cute. I’d do her!!! The blonde? Not so much. Is that weird? Just seems like she would be cute in person. Not! And Dan, oh Dan, why in the world do they put more makeup on you than the females in the show. On the show, I absolutely fell in love with him. I wanted a Dan for myself. You know? The sweet unsullied wannabe writer (he reminds me of someone I know very well). But he’s just not cute in person at all. Yes, girls, gays and the confused, I saw him pretty close up. He delivered some lines and had to appear as if was walking out of the scene and did so at the expanse only a few feet away from where I and some other onlookers were. Well, we were face to face and this dude is F.U.G.L.Y.! Ugh.

I haven’t gotten to see the rest of the cast but I am sure I will have some interesting stories to tell soon. Well, that’s if my job, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, won’t keep me locked up tight for a century of lonely nights, waiting for someone to release me (Right, Christina Aguilera? You tell ‘em, girl!)

Side bar before I sign off: Some of the extras are actually really hot though I feel really weird finding actors and actresses in schoolboy/girl uniforms cute!

Signing off… XOXO, Gossip Boy!!!

Is it just me? Or is it nippy out?

So this is a response I got from someone who was totally offended by my entry regarding timeliness when it comes to telling someone you are dating that you have an un-descended testicle.

As my little bro would say “seriously?!?!” Answer? Yes! Yes! Yes! Of course, Screennames have been changed to protect the NIPS!

[16:06] TwoHighOneLow: youre kinda harsh on the dude with one nut
[16:06] TwoHighOneLow: or your friend is being a bitch about it
[16:07] francislewis: Yeah, naw, my friend is just a bitch…
[16:07] francislewis: I realized yesterday that I needed a blog to let go of all of the things that float in my head…
[16:08] TwoHighOneLow: i mean i have a third nipple
[16:08] TwoHighOneLow: and sometimes i tell people the first day i meet them
[16:08] TwoHighOneLow: other times i wait years
[16:09] francislewis: Well, I would assume you wouldn’t date someone for years before they would find out!

A "Dorothy" and OZ

OK, so I am not one for outing people… Wait… I started another entry just like that! Shoot, I guess I am one for outing people!

So, friends, what would you do if you are a gay man who pined – and I mean PINED – after some guy on a much-watched show and then you see him out clubbing… at all places… a gay bar? Well, in my dreams I imagined maybe going up to him and holding a great conversation; possibly falling in love; getting married; maybe co-star in his spin-off show… or… or… I could just have stared and stared, waiting for the thing tugging at my boxer briefs to go away (my floppy pancreas, Rose, my floppy pancreas!!!)

The show is now defunct but said gay is from HBO’s OZ. By the way, that show must have been the mastermind of some warped fetishist and his recurring wet dreams (sorry, Tom Fontana; you aren’t going to read this shit anyway). I mean with the gratuitous sexual liaisons, murders, elegant and timeless wardrobe, ha, and the cantankerous roommates (or cellmates…whatever) you’d think you were watching an episode of Melrose Place. (All I want to know is who would play Heather Locklear?) That’s not to say I wasn’t completely and utterly obsessed because I was! I am sure a lot of you were too!

But back to the gays. So want to know who the Dorothy is? Let’s just say he played one half of one of the sexiest straight-then-got-arrested-there-is-no-poontang-but-lots-of-time-and-lube-on-their-hands-so-turned-gay jailed duos ever. So I can hear the gays chanting “which one”? Let’s just say not the one that’s been on prime-time these days!

I don’t know if it’s a matter of life imitating art or vice versa but said actor was out and proud (you know he wasn’t researching as he has played gay already; what’s left to research). His tank and jeans seemed painted on and he had definitely been pumping iron since Oz wrapped (ostensibly, at the time, for the new role he was working on for a lesser cable channel). He was so hot, well, besides the fact that he was all alone, off to the side and gave facial expressions to passerbys that one could only assume were covering a bad case of constipation or just a friendly general grimace. Still HOT HOT HOT though!

Where does Francislewis get his standards from? Swear it seems I would do it with Richard Simmons ’cause he has appeared on TV!

File under YUM YUM in my TUM TUM!

Folklore

OK, so I am on the train and I put in Nelly Furtado’s Folklore (now that sounds like I have a CD player and y’alls all know I have an IPOD… but whatever…) Listening to it for like the millionth time since its release in ‘03, it made me think how crazy it is that America slept on this album… seriously.

Folkloreis actually a very well-produced, stylized and sung album. I think that Furtado really stretched herself for what was her second album release. Of course, she ticked people off in the process, as they all expected Folklore’s songs to be as poppy and soul-less as some of the mainstays from her first release.

If you can love her when she is “like a bird” or “promiscuous” then surely you can stomach her if she is being cerebral and patriotic.

Even if you aren’t a Nelly Furtado fan — and even if you have serious issues with people giving album recommendations almost a decade too late — give Folklore a listen.

(Listen to the single “Explode” and you will be hooked, I assure you!)

Only By The Night

Well, there are few albums in ‘08 that got my attention quite like Kings of Leon’s ONLY_BY_THE_NIGHT. The band’s fourth studio album, it is a glorified example of what growth of an music artist should sound like.

The album’s immense commercial success precludes me taking ownership of bringing it to the masses but I figure there are still some of you who have no idea who they are and I think you should!

Front-man, Caleb Followill’s voice is out of this world (and so are those piercing blue eyes… but I digressed…), reminiscent of the gritty gruffness of say a Bruce Springsteen mixed with some undeniable soulfulness of a blues singer twice his age. It’s a combination you have to experience to truly believe.

Listen to the first release “Sex on Fire” and I swear you will be hooked.

'Etsy' Bitsy

I have another great site for all my fashionistas/os.

So Hottie (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) recommended this great site that is your gateway to everything — and I mean EVERYTHING — handmade. Hottie just bought some great headpieces for her wedding to YOU KNOW WHO. They are so cute together! Awwww. Me love the LESBIANS!

Are you a burgeoning craftsman, yourself? Well, you can sell there too.

I don’t know about you but I have a thing for one-of-a-kinds. There is nothing worse than seeing 5 people in one day with the same cardigan you have on. Yeah, they say it’s Apparel for America but come on AA!

Ladies, take a look at the stock of scarves. There are some amazing ones!!!

Visit: http://www.etsy.com/

Po-LOW

So I am not one for outing people – well, unless, they are annoying. This is a story I wanted to tell a while ago but was unable to globally (before I caved to the glorious-ness that is BLOGGING).

So over the summer when I was consulting for those hapless four months, I served as a Marketing Director for one of my fashion clients and a national campaign for their east coast division. One of my duties was to do PR (onsite and off) for a movie premiere they were helping to throw. Well, one of the movie’s stars made me realize that Wendy Williams isn’t quite as dumb as she looks.

So Wendy, she historically had called first party (let’s call him POLO; it will make more sense later) all sorts of things besides…well…um… straight. In my mind, this guy who is well-known for being one of the most successful African-American models and one of Ralph Lauren’s muses tipped off my gaydar the moment he stepped out of his limo and, more so later, when he scoffed at a beautiful reporter and condescendingly told her “who are you?” when she asked him an obvious journalistic question. (Dumb ass, you are on a red carpet at a movie premiere, premiering a movie you co-star in! She has a microphone in her hand; who else could she but a journalist.)

Things were really solidified for me when earlier a man (let’s call him Accomplice 1) came decked out in what seemed a perfect match to what POLO would later arrive in. A1 came to me and another event publicist on hand and said in a voice that screamed ‘I am here, I am queer and I am know Rupert Everett personally’: “Hey, could you help me? I am a good friend of POLO’s and he said I should come to you for my ticket. He is on his way but I wanted to have it in hand just in case.” The way A1 said “good friend” reeked of Imposter Perfume (if you know what I mean), ownership, and made me think they were much more than just “friends.” That coupled with the fact that they were identically dressed and A1 looked an exact physical replica of POLO except for the fact he had lighter skin, left gerber daises, discos, Dave Barton gym memberships, techno music, and Madonna (and you know what that means) all dancing in my head.

So when POLO is doing his interviews, A1 is on the sidelines talking to what I could only assume is POLO’s beard (some girl whom by all appearances he wouldn’t be caught dead with even if he were, in fact, straight) and they are laughing it up like “girlfriends.” Me? I was just waiting for the police officer from the Village People to come and arrest all those with infractions. Just all seemed way to suspicious!

Fittingly enough, POLO and A1 seemed all too googly-eyed with one another during the actual screening – of course, beard right between them wishing and hoping and praying. Wonder how much he’s paying her?!?!

Forget tags, file under HOT MESS (my little homage to Wendy)!

He Promised We Would Have a... Ball!!!

So tip #1? When you are dating someone, getting to know them, it may sound a bit weird but ask them if they have both of their balls (you know, down there, in the nether regions or in one BLIND COPY subject’s case: OH-NO-NOPE- NEVER regions.)

Let’s call first party Accomplice 1 (no relation to previous entry). So A1 has been seeing this guy for quite some time and they are taking it slow, getting to know one another without doing it in the biblical sense just yet. So it’s date four and date five and date six and nothing so A1 is thinking the guy he is seeing is either 1.) really into monogamy and wants to take it slow; how cute 2.) way too shy 3.) an ex-Mormon with self-hatred residue still attached 4.) hiding something grisly. Bingo! Guess which one it is!?!?

Let’s call Accomplice 2, One Ball Willie (need I write more; I will though). So they decide it’s time to do the do and well, OBW decides he is going to play a game of find out where the un -descended ball/testicle is. I know A1 and he isn’t very much into games of this nature so when OBW says “Do you notice anything different down there?” he must have been horrified! Poor baby, A1!

I mean I have no problem with abnormalities. Hell, I have a unusually large… brain…that’s it… brain … but, come on, OBW, let someone know! I say say it on the first date like “Hi, my name is OBW and I have one ball… Now what movie was it that we are going to see?”

I mean it’s like going to a department store, seeing that shoe on the display, you want it but also know full well when you decide you are going to buy it, the sales person will have two — yes, two — shoes in the box when you leave. But, this time, you get home, and lo and behold, Jimmy-CHEWED up the other shoe and there’s just one. One sad sad sad shoe!

A1, start checking the box before you leave the department store is all I am saying, if you know what I mean. I am not saying sleep with a guy on the first date but maybe ask if he has had a full physical this year. If not, might be entree for you two to do the move your head to the side and cough thing! They wouldn’t know the difference. It’s either that or next thing you know, it’s three months or more down the road and that’s when you find out the other shoe/ball/whatever has yet to drop!

Wow! Where does A1 find these blokes?!?!

There is FISTin the Air; Must Be Rain...

OK. So I have been known to put a foot in my mouth — only figuratively speaking, of course — at times but come on …

So let’s call first party “Accomplice 1.” So A1 meets this guy (let’s call him Don Fisten-berg for reasons you will soon find out) at a club . They have a good time and DF is not only good-looking (in that kind of slutty varsity lacrosse kind of way; aren’t they always the ones; he’s wearing a tee-shirt that says “Yale” but according to A1 it should have said “Impale”) but could actually hold a pretty decent conversation. In gay terms, of course, this could all conspire to be the sounds of wedding bells, there yonder. Ha. So things are going well.

They are partying it up at this club where they both are getting hit on incessantly and they both decide it’s time to leave so they can get to “know one another better.” So DF comes up with a bright idea that A1 should come back with him to his place. (This is when gay men should know it won’t lead to marriage.) OK, so A1 decided to take DF up on this offer because 1.) he thinks he’s hot and 2.) he is bored and horny enough to see where this will all lead.

So one thing leads to another and they are back at DF’s place and getting hot and heavy but DF is more than meets the eye, arm, whatever. Seems he is into some kinky fare. See DF doesn’t like to be played with at arm’s length (if you know what I mean) and things get more than just kinky as the night progresses. (I bet A1 wishes the term fisticuffs wasn’t so literal for DF.)

A1 complies though because, again, he’s bored, horny and thinks DF is hot! DF likes more than a handful (if you know what I mean) so kinky deeds are done and A1 decides it’s time for the walk of shame to DF’s bathroom (hopefully where he then disinfects his entire body and burns his clothes with a spark from a nearby fluorescent bulb).

So what I am sure is largely due to A1’s dire need to cleanse himself of his sins, the sink starts overflowing! (From now on carry a travel size bottle of bleach, A1!) So DF comes up behind him and says, with clear agitation in his voice, “…Yeah, the sink does that from time to time. No need to freak out; you seemed freaked out. It’s just a sink man!” He continues ranting and raving about the sink. A1, after realizing DF wasn’t kidding or trying to come up with some witty post-coitus (well, not so much) banter, looks back at him in utter awe and says, “I just had my fist in your *** and you think I am freaked out about a clogged drain?!?!”

Come on, DF! Get the fist out your *** and be sensible here! Of course, it was the drain A1 was worried about! Which gay man has faulty pipes?!?! Kink?!?! Sure!!! But faulty pipes!?!?

Where does A1 find these blokes?!?!

"Gilty" Obsession

I know I made a quip about sharing links and the sort but did you believe the whole thing about Barnes & Nobles too (come on!) I have been told I am one for being a bit too deadpan when it comes to my humor.

Anyhoo... If you have a "GILTY" obsession (healthy or otherwise) with luxury brand clothes, accessories, and everything else, VISIT THIS SITE! Yeah, it's by invitation only but if I like you, I just might give you entree. It's like a sample sale online (though they have sizes of all kinds and not just those Twiggy-size things the models wear [I know you can fit those sizes, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, but you also have some suspiciously weak teeth if you know what I mean]).

With 70% off retail price, it's more than a bargain, it's slowly becoming a way of life (sorry current job, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE; I just can't miss when the "virtual doors" open on these sales).

Check it out: www.giltgroupe.com

Thanks Alex P. Keaton!

My mom (God bless her soul) had done what many parents from her generation and racial background have and will continue to do: she'd instilled -- OK, pounded, if you will -- into her children's heads the virtues of going to school, working hard, not leaving your drink at a party unattended, being responsible and above all... take no other job but that of a doctor or a lawyer.

"It would be good to have a doctor or lawyer in the family," she could be found saying, regardless of the day, time, or month (though I found certain times of the month she cried while saying it; no further comment necessary). She'd often say it not to anyone in particular, staring at some far off place in a corner of a room, I could tell hoping and praying that by "accident" one of her kids would trip, fall and ingest what she said as their life's dream/motto. (It would be years and a few cocktails later before I could tell Mom after one of these bouts that the closest she was going to ever get to a lawyer in the family was the one my infidel older YOU KNOW WHO hired to deal with those unpaid parking tickets... yeah... parkings tickets... that's it... parking tickets! I will NOT be supeanaed! I will NOT be supeanaed! I will NOT be supeanaed!)

As I sit in my office, where I am an Assoc Director of Development for a nonprofit (that doesn't mean no revenue or no salary, MOM!), I think about my trajectory here and how in many ways I am happy I didn't bend to the fold. I remember after graduating from PENN, calling a mentor of mine (this guy at MTV) who told me that I had to do what made me happy. He said that many people he went to school with went for the big bucks (i.e., for PENN, that being investment banking and consulting) but he didn't feel a love for that stuff and knew he wanted a career in entertainment. He told stories of long drawn out internships, eating Raymon Noodles (universal sign of poor-dom) and the years of moving up the ladder while his friends were making double, triple, if not more of what he was making. Then, when we began talking, he was in his early thirties and a VP of SOMETHING (I don't recall) at MTV, not only making a sizable fortune but doing something that made him want to come in everyday! His friends? He said many of them were completely and utterly unhappy! Rich but unhappy. And, yes, I think you can be both at the same time! Yeah, yeah, I know poor and unhappy is worse!

Though I had been sure then -- that I too wanted to do what I loved and not be so consumed with making hoards of money -- I remember a time believing my mom and thinking I wasn't worth much unless I was a doctor or a lawyer. (I guess her incessant pleas stuck... if even for a little bit.) So I was on one of those courses (mostly law) -- prodded on by my mom's oooohs, ahhhhs, niiiiiiiiice and if-you-do-I-will-buy-you-a-car -- since elementary school if you can believe. Before I could even walk myself home from school I was touting the virtues of a law degree and could tell you why Roe vs Wade "was like soooooo historic and stuff like that... like totally!" (Yes, that last bit was a direct quote from my own personal vault!)

Of course, I blame Alex P. Keaton more than I do my mom though -- for this crazy desire to be successful. You know? Alex P. Keaton! From Family Ties! As a kid, I remember watching that show and thinking I want to be smart too! Looking back now I think I just had a crush on him! Today, I would have just masturbated to his likeness, gotten it over with and went back to playing Nintendo or something. But, yeah, Michael J. Fox was a dreamboat and I felt I had to be just as smart as he was... well, in the show! Do you remember by the end of the run of the show, they wanted us to believe that Jennifer Keaton (played so eloquently by Academy Award winning Tina Yothers...ha...ha...) was the smartest of the two and worse yet that Mallory was actually smart. Oh please! Wait. Though there was that time he took speed to stay up for a test! Guess that was kinda dumb! (I would later see that firsthand at YOU KNOW WHERE! Not me! My very privileged cohorts; I preferred a more psychedelic fare.) But, wait, Jennifer wore her hair crimped and, wait, wait, she also played in a band on the show! See, told you Alex had her beat!

Yeah, well, if it weren't for Alex, I wouldn't want to be smart and wouldn't have had the inclination to study my bum off so that I could pull off what I thought it took to get into a good law school (even if, at the time, the likelihood of which was about 15 years away). That I would get accepted to UPENN for premed and then drop the major a week later for economics is another story -- one that involves cytoplasm and some know-it-all ivy-leaguers. Suffice it to say, I am glad that I decided to go that route and to then go the journalism route and then to go the nonprofit route and then to go the public relations route and then to go the nonprofit route again -- or some weird permutation thereof.

So... gist? Make your kids watch TV or at least reruns of "Family Ties" (think it airs on TV Land or some crap like that). Maybe they will end up just like me... a confused mess but one that can say he is happy and paid -- more or less -- with what he is doing with his life!!!

Intros Are In Order

OK. So this is officially my first BLOG entry. I always thought it rather weird... the idea of blogging. Seemed too assumptive that someone (with an iota of a life anyway) would really want to read my silly musings. However, I also realize it is a grand way to keep in communication with friends, family, foes and otherwise.

Ultimately, I guess I made the decision to finally move forward after reading a few too many BLOGS! I mean if one could spew about the virtues of IRAs or NRAs or NBAs or LAMBDAs (pronounced Lamb-Days for poetic license sake... I don't know... just bear with me here) then why can't I be equally as boring and BLOG THE SPOTLIGHT (NOTE: I also have this adjunct career in marketing... notice the brand identity there!!!). If they can do it, so can I. I shall!

There is this issue of whether I want to be transparent or opaque. You know? I mean, of course, that's a moot point when I write entries about other people in my life. I mean, come on, of course, I will... break all sorts of codes and tell all their third-person business, including sexual proclivities, bank statement balances, SS#s, favorite colors, breakdown of yearly charitable donations and passed-down familial mental disorders. No, no, no, I am kidding. Don't worry, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, I won't tell about those webbed toes you, your father, and his father are unfortunate to share.

Truth is though I don't know whether I should really give all of me, like I would to some internet-based diary or should I just skirt over the truth with funny quips, pictures, and links and banners to stuff people really could care less about. Who knows where I will take this. (Though if you are reading this and know me, truly know me, suffice to say things will lean more on the transparent side of things as I have never been one to keep my trap shut. )

As I consider msyelf a pseduo-writer, a literary subpar homo-genius, then I guess this is an outlet I will consider and see how it goes. No, Mom, seriously, I am a writer. Ask anyone. (If you can find her, you may even ask Mrs. Hunter, my ninth grade English teacher. She told me I was. Whatever! I am NOT going to ever be a doctor! Deal with it!)

Anyway, we are what we eat and truth be told I must be full of cheese, those macadamia nut cookies from Subway and writer. Yeah, I did have an encounter at a bookstore with this second-time-around novelist (who shall remain anonymous until he either A.) sells a book B.) has the foresight to create a character in my likeness for one of his straight-to-the-sales-rack books). Anyway, so we are what we eat. So I am a writer; just a writer who may need penicillin in a few day's time. But, shoot, my sister is allergic to shell fish and still she eats the stuff! By the way, the tiles on the bathroom floors at Barnes & Noble are ruthless on the kneecaps.

Anyway, if you haven't noticed, I have started! This is going to be an outlet for me to expel all sorts of things floating in this dull head of mine. So friends, family and, yes, foes be weary! No one is immune. I will do just about anything to BLOG THE SPOTLIGHT (there we go again!). There are some days it will read like a novel; there are some days it will read like a poem; there are some days when I won't write at all; there are some days I'll expect an errant, crazed, and apparently costly call from one of my "close friends" who seem to have nothing but peak hour talk time on their phone (I mean come on!).

I do hope I am not as uninteresting as I think I am. I am sure you will let me know! (Actually, if you know me, really know me, you probably wouldn't let me know as I can be rather scary to be honest with sometimes. However, I grant you permission!)

Here goes...